Posted by: thedianestory | March 28, 2013

From My Brother

March 28, 2013

The following post is what my brother wrote about/to me when I asked him how supporting his sister through Endometriosis has changed his life.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to post it publicly because it’s so personal and touched me deeply. I kind of thought it was something I wanted to keep for me. But I shared it with my bestie, and she encouraged me to share it.

So, to my brother….I hope you know just how special you are to me and how you’ve changed my life. Reading what you wrote touched my heart in a way that no one has. I’ve always known your love me, but with so many years of so many miles in between us, I sometimes feel so disconnected that I begin to doubt the depth of our relationship. Reading your words was seriously a deeply spiritual moment for me. I can’t read your words without weeping. I love you so incredibly much. Thank you for everything, brother of mine. I LOVE YOU!

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Chronic Pain and Loved ones who suffer with them

Monday 7:45 AM – I’m on my way to work and I think of my sister. Maybe I can call her on my way to work. I wonder if she will be up. Well with the 3 hour time difference I don’t want to wake her if she is sleeping – It’s only 4:45 AM there. It’s so hard for her to get to sleep in the first place with all the pain she is in and all the medication she is on. I don’t want to wake her. Besides I can only talk for a little bit before I get to work. But she might be up with the crazy sleep schedule she has…it’s not worth the risk though. I’ll try and call later.

Monday 5:30 PM – Work is over on my way home. So many things to do tonight…I don’t have time to call my family, maybe I will hear from them later.

Tuesday and Wednesday pass. I make a couple different attempts to call my sister in my evening or after work but she doesn’t answer, she is probably sleeping. No need to leave a message she will see that I called. If I do leave a message, her phone won’t beep a million times to let her know she has a voicemail and wake her up. I wonder how she is doing today. Probably in a lot of pain. Hopefully she is sleeping and out of pain for the time being.

Wednesday night – After another busy day I’m off to small group. Someone asks how my sister is doing. I once again use the example of the spoons to explain how some days are better than others and she still suffers daily. The more she does, the less she can do later. I use this example often to describe the pain to those who ask. I feel bad for her and wonder how unfair it seems for her to be so unhealthy and me to not have hardly any issues. I wonder why God has allowed this to happen. I can’t imagine living life in so much pain all the time. I wish she were just better. I want her to have the abundant life she dreamed of when we were growing up. She would have been an excellent teacher. Maybe one day God will heal her and she can have those dreams fulfilled. I don’t understand why he has chosen not to do this and I hate that modern medicine can’t seem to help her. But God is sovereign…I just have to have faith as she does that he is in control. I can’t imagine what kind of faith that must take.

Thursday Afternoon – I finally connect to my sister. We don’t talk about her illness the answer is generally the same, she is in pain, the doctor’s can’t figure it out. Or sometimes she has an appointment scheduled with yet another new doctor…maybe they will be able to provide some new information, maybe this time, finally they will have an answer. Unfortunately we all get our hopes up and we generally discover that the doctors can do very little. We all just want a solution. She generally spares me the details of all the pain she is in. We both know she is experiencing much pain and we focus on talking about other things…though I know she is suffering inside. I sense that discussing the pain is depressing and it is better to focus on the other things she can and is doing rather than all the negative she continually deals with. She is kind to not discuss it always…though I am sure even that is lonely.

Friday – Sunday – The weekend arrives and is filled with events for me. My sister and I may or may not connect depending on the weekend. I think of her, wishing she were closer and we could see each other more often, but even more so wishing she were just better and could lead what most consider to be a “normal” life. I just wish she could live a pain free life (without all the medication). Life is hard enough without pain to add to the complications. I long for the day when she is healed. I pray for her often (probably not often enough). The distance makes the pain not seem as real at times. It is unfortunately easy to not focus on things that are not in front of us. I do miss her though. I miss the rain game, monopoly, staying up all night watching movies, trips to Florida and amusement parks, but most of all I miss the day to day interaction. That day to day interaction that this chronic pain prevents.

(with tears in my eyes) Please God, heal my sister.

Danny Fisher

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