Posted by: thedianestory | August 15, 2012

5am Rant

It’s so frustrating sometimes to see life roll by and not being able to stop the crazy train. Sometimes I wonder if one small different decision wouldn’t have changed everything. But then I think, that God has his blueprint for my life and so this place I’m in must be part of His plan somehow.

Sometimes I wish I could just be honest with people – straight from the heart, without it being read into, analyzed and torn apart. Someday it’d be nice for certain people to realize that the Diane they knew and loved was still there and that she too wishes things ended differently and could be different. To be believed in again, but respected this time. I wish the pain and hurt, lies and distrust could go away and that the old relationships could be forged again.

I wish nothing more than fulfillment of God’s plan on my life and clear minds to prevail.

Now it’s time to sleep. I’m posting because this is my journal of sorts. Some people will get what I’m speaking of. Some won’t. But I’m posting none the less.

Night friends.

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Responses

  1. I believe in you Diane. Always have, always will. I wish I could take your pain and make things better but I can’t. Someday you will be rewarded for your faithfulness and others will see what they have done and be saddened by their poor decisions. 😦

  2. Interestingly, you posted your rant at 5 a.m., or wrote it, anyway. I read it at 5:55 a.m.
    Did you know that many understand the meaning of the number 5 to be equating to Grace??? So, you started with grace, and ended with triple grace this morning.
    Take this to heart. God had me notice this detail for a reason, and for you.
    I just did a bit of a search on original meanings of words, and the search took me to suffering, and how God uses suffering and chastening to complete us as His real children…the ones who make it through the long night with our lamps full of oil in readiness for Him.
    I think, those who suffer and remain, allowing our hearts to be broken and changed, just fill up with oil more often and more fully, don’t you think?
    How else would we make it?
    The pain is here and it is real. God says it is. He affirms our pain and suffering in His word, never whitewashes or sugar coats it, and never denies it’s existence.
    He knows you. He believes you. He sees your pain. He cares for you. He loves you. Jesus loves you.
    Do you know that song? Every Heart That Is Breaking? It is our song, and the song for so many we don’t even know. But He does.
    I understand. I believe you. I know Diane is still here. I love you.

    • Thank you. Your link wouldn’t work but I will look it up. I love you. Interesting stuff. 😉

      • Weird that the link doesn’t work for you. I clicked on it right here on your blog and it took me right to it! Oh, well. Make sure you get this version, okay?

  3. Always makes me cry my way through, but it is so cleansing. A good cry. And for you, I cry through it again this morning.

  4. Isn’t it true. If only people could move on from the past. Things happen and that doesn’t mean we stay in that spot. We move forward and start fresh.

    God does this all the time. If he wasn’t who he says he is we would all die. Food for thought.

    • Mom,

      Thank you for always being the example of waking up fresh and moving forward – prevailing with a clear mom. I learn from you. And I love you for it.

  5. I think the same things a lot of the time. Can’t change the road we’re on, though, so we might as well try to make the best of it. Hide our pain and throw a smile on our face for those who don’t really truly know who we are. Those that do know us, wouldn’t care and wouldn’t want us to change for them. You will always be the same Diane to me. I love ya and I’m sorry again for any distrust you have towards me. You have always known how to be a friend to me, and I clearly have not. I’m praying for God to give you answers and for you to continue to have faith in Him. He will never leave you nor forsake you.

    • Carrie. I will ALWAYS love you and be here to be your friend. So glad you are a part if my life. Love you.

  6. Diane, so much of what you said could have been my story as well. It’s clearly evident that you have a gift for writing, as well as being vulnerable. I look forward to reading more of your story. God Bless

    • Wow. Thank you friend. You are so sweet. Made my night. Nite friend!


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