Posted by: thedianestory | December 16, 2010

Stirring up Emotions

Monday I set out to change my last name back to my maiden name. My divorce was final in May and for several reasons I have up until now not been up to the task of taking my name back. It was restored in the court system during the divorce but I’ve got to change it with DMV and Social Security amongst the numerous businesses with which I do business.

When I got married and changed my name I had to go to DMV and then SS, so I set out in that same order on Monday…only to wait at DMV for forty minutes to then be told that I had to go to SS first. Thanks a heap Mr. Check-in person at DMV who could have told me that when he asked what I was there for and gave me my paperwork and # to wait for! Frustrated I left DMV and headed to my priorly scheduled chiropractic appointment for my already pounding head. I would then go to the Social Security office which lucky for me is conveniently located a block up from my Chiropractor.

I get to SS and check in with there little computer system when you walk in choosing what I thought to be the right # that you choose for what type of business you need to conduct there. Only to wait for almost one hour to get up to the window and be told that for one, I chose the wrong # and could have been helped way sooner and two – they wouldn’t except the divorce decree I had because it was a copy. I was NEVER given an original people! I was told I’d have to go to the courthouse (which is 30 miles from my home) to get an original. I called my lawyer to see if they had an original and they do not – which I’m not quite sure I believe but regardless I now have to go to the courthouse and pay $15.00 plus $.50 per page for an original divorce decree.

So basically I spent the better part of Monday trying to change my name, only to get Nowhere in the process. Why is it SO difficult? I didn’t ask for any of this. And this brings me to my emotional state that is happening this month.

Last week I really struggled with depression for a couple days and honestly couldn’t make sense of it. It was strong feelings that came over me and I wasn’t sure why I was feeling so blue. And then it hit me – it was the exact day two years later from the night I found out my husband was having an affair. It all made sense to me in that moment – why my heart was hurting so badly. Abandonment and divorce, let alone abuse isn’t something you recover from or move on from easily. Fast forward then to Monday and the fiasco that was trying to change my name, and you have in me a welling up of emotion from all I’ve faced for the better part of two years.

I haven’t been able to get back to the name change thing as I was too sick and worn out on Tuesday, from being out all day Monday. And today, Wednesday I had plans with my mom and a friend to do some Christmas shopping. Which led to one more thing to top off the emotions.

While out Christmas shopping, trying to enjoy the day, who do I run into? None other than my former mother-in-law – who insisted on stopping in the middle of the aisle to stare me down. I was busy chatting away to my mom and actually saw her out of the corner of my eye as I looked up from the merchandise I was checking out, to head up the aisle. I said nothing to her, not acknowledging her stare-down and kept walking. All be it emotional, I will not be intimidated in my own home town and will not walk around timidly because there is a chance at seeing my ex and his family. Some of them need a reality check and a good dose of humble pie and growing up.

But there has been something about this past 10 days or so that is emotional and is keeping this relationship and its misfortune in my eyes. It is so hard when you are not in control of what takes place in your life. Some things are beyond my capability to fix. And so I keep trusting Jesus.

Lord please heal this broken heart of mine. Amen.

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Responses

  1. Praying for you, sweet Diane, that Jesus would hold you in the palm of His hands.

    • Thank you Morgan it is much appreciated. 🙂


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