Posted by: thedianestory | August 28, 2010

Peeking Inside…ME.

August 28, 2010

It is not too often I write freely and straight from my heart without editing. So this may be wise, or it may be foolish, but some things are bothering me, and I thought rather than keeping them pushed down to the bottom of my soul, perhaps some people who are reading this may be able to understand me better. So here goes something…

My life is hard. I live each day not knowing whether I will be able to get out of bed the next morning. But I set goals for myself and try to create motivation to have a reason to wake up each day. So when I share a goal with you, or tell you something that is coming up that I want to be able to attend…rather than saying “you think you can do that? you gonna be well enough to do that? There are plenty of things that you could do but you aren’t well enough to do most of them” – could you try to be encouraging? Maybe you could say “that sounds like something that would be great for you. Or, perhaps, well I will pray God gives you the strength to make it.” Because let me tell you, the snide, rude and thoughtless comments get really old. And they certainly don’t help me mentally at all.

On another note…

I have had far too many conversations with people about pain and medication, and pain medication. I am tired of the judgements made against me from afar and behind my back about the medications and their amounts that I am taking. What is even more odd to me is that very few, and I do mean VERY few know what actual medications, especially pain medications or the doses, that I am on. But yet apparentey people have issue with me taking medication. Apparently some people have decided that the medication is my problem and that there really is not such an ongoing medical issue…

REALLY?

Come spend 48 hours in my house. Watch me double over in pain. Watch me crawl in the floor to get to bed when no one is home or everyone is asleep and I can no longer walk because every joint in my body hurts and my stomach/pelvic pain is more than one can bare. Watch as I attempt to eat, take enzymes to help the food digest, and then still puke because my stomach has refused to tolerate the food. Come watch me sleep for several hours, only to get up to shower and “get ready” and then be literally exausted just from that and have to go lay down again.

BE MY GUEST.

But please, know what you are talking about before you start spreading false accusations about me. And maybe, just maybe, you should know me a little bit better before you say things to others about me. I would gladly get up everyday and go to school or work. I would love to be a mother and have three kids running around the house to care for. I would gladly volunteer hours of service to my church and community. But I can’t. For whatever reason, this is what God has for me right now. And…

I ANSWER TO HIM. AND HIM ALONE.

But for now, I needed to get this off my chest and perhaps, maybe, some people will think before they speak. I could use some encouraging words, to be built up…NOT torn down.

Thank you for listening thru reading. Goodnight.

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Responses

  1. Wow. Right at this very second I am speechless. I am so Proud of you for this. I understand how you feel, and you know that. However we are different! I know the feeling of people talking about you in many aspects, its what is happening to me. This is showing you whom your friends are, and who people Truly are. God will NEVER allow you to go through something you can not handle. Forget them, your better off without them!! I am so sorry that people are doing this to you. You are an AMAZING Woman, Friend, Daughter, Aunt, Sister, and Christian. I have looked up to you in so many ways for years now. You are Inspiring to not just me, but Alot of people. I am always here for you!!! Love you. Proverbs 17:17

  2. Love you Di! This was hard for me to read. I would hope that people arent treating you like that.

    • For some reason these comments just showed up. People are treating me this way. It is hard, but with friends like you I make it through. Love you Vicki!

  3. Diane, I am pleased to see you venting your feelings on this subject. You are the only one who walks in your shoes and you are the only one who REALLY knows how you feel. As far as the medication goes; those other people’s thoughts are based on ignorance, not fact.
    You just do you, and keep your head held high ♥

    • Thank you so much Carli. Your words mean more than you know. I appreciate you stopping by my blog and reading my posts. I am priveledged to count you among my friends. 🙂


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