Posted by: thedianestory | August 7, 2009

Reflections from a Broken Heart

If you have followed my blog and have read my “A Little Bit of info. About Diane” page, or, if you actually know me personally, you know that I am going through a heart-wrenching divorce from the man that I married three years ago, and dated for several more than that. It has been a pact with myself not to “air my dirty laundry” or trash my husband on the internet. I respect the man I loved, and the covenant of marriage too much to do that. Because of this I have been pretty silent even broaching the subject on my blog, rather choosing to just continue to blog about my life and try to keep up with my commonplace posts that are important to me.

However, this week things are different. August 5, 2009 was my three year anniversary. Yes, I am still legally married and therefore, yes, it was another anniversary. So why am I breaking my silence? Because I think it is important to discuss the subject this week, as I was made keenly aware this week how divorce affects so many more than the husband and wife walking through the horrible journey.

Beings that this was the first milestone anniversary happening leading to the impending divorce I surrounded myself with people who love me that day. I took some time away this week to be with friends (who are like family) so they could help me through the day. I arrived at their house Tuesday evening as my friend needed me to watch the youngest of my nieces while she took the two older ones to the Jonas Brothers’ concert (yes, they are so loved!).  Anyway, this worked out so I could stay the night and wake up at their house on Wednesday, my anniversary.

Wednesday morning I was woken up by my bestie, her husband and my three adorable nieces including the 16lb one year old, crawling on top of me.  What a fun way to wake up. Anyway, I crawled out of bed and took a shower, then headed to the living room to hang-out with the girls while their parents got ready. And this is when it happened: the realization of how much divorce affects those around us who love us. My five year old niece started talking:

Niece: Aunty Di, how come Nate went away from you?

Me: Umm. Well, if I fully understood that sweetie, I’d have a better answer for you. Uncle Nate is just making some poor choices right now.

Niece: But Aunty Di, I can’t even remember what Nate looks like anymore.

Me: I’m sorry sweetie; but I love you. And I will never go away from you.

Niece: Okay (smile) Aunty Di. I love you.

Me: Love you too, sweetie. Love you too.

Oh the innocence of a child, eh? You see, my husband had a bit of a special bond with this little one. He liked her, and she loved him. I really had forgotten myself just how much the two of them took to each other until that moment; and a later conversation with her mommy. It makes me sad. It makes me sad to know that it is not only my heart that got hurt, but my precious little niece, trying to make sense of things. If only I could make things better. If only….

Unfortunately not all choices are ours to make and we are not in control of other people’s actions. We can only make our own decisions. And I am sticking with my decision to honor my husband and not partake in vicious words. I will however, stand for truth and honor God with my life. Divorce was never part of my plan, and it certainly is not what I want. This is where I am though; so I will take the lessons I am to learn from it and continue to make myself available to the Lord.

I ask for your prayers, dear blog-readers; for God to give me peace, discernment, and comfort as I continue on this journey. I have no idea what my future holds, but I am trusting God and living one day at a time.

Matthew 6:34

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

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Responses

  1. The present is still very painful for you. I went through a similar thing as you are going through now. The only difference was no marriage, but 5 years with him. I can tell you that the hurt will go away in time and you will be so happy again in the future. God has a destiny for everyone and he is just writing up the next chapter in your life. The happiness will come sooner rather than later, I honestly believe that for you! I love you Diane and hate to see you in pain.

    • Thanks Joanne. That seriously means a lot. I love you too and am so happy to have a friend in you.

  2. Always thinking about you Di. You are a great Auntie! Love you lots!

  3. Awe. Thanks Vicki. I am going to blog about my evening with you too! Just haven’t gotten there yet!

  4. Wish I could have been there to support you too! Nate is a fool, that is all I have to say about that…

    • Thanks Sara. And I love you!

  5. I don’t even know if anyone can comment on this, without having a blog themselves. I happened to pass by it on a facebook status type thing and as usual, when I have time, I like to catch up on your life as well, see how you are.

    Diane, I respect you, that was a well-written blog. I love you, and wish I knew that date of yours, I would have wrote you sooner. You are a strong individual, and that is one thing I tell everyone. You have had a life full of things thrown in your face, lots of pain, but you still live your life and make it through your days. As I said, that was a very respectable blog, and I love you no matter what the situation has become. Even though I don’t contact you as often as I should, I hope you know that I haven’t forgotten you, and I think of you all the time. You were a big part of my life as well, just as that little girl, but I know I can still come to you if life gets hard, and you will be there for me regardless of my brother and his actions. You are an amazing woman, don’t ever forget that! And I’m glad your part of my life.

    Love always,

    Nicole

  6. Your unwavering faith challenges me. I am thankful for our friendship & glad we’ve reconnected.

    • and your friendship encourages me. Thank you, Sara L.


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