Posted by: thedianestory | September 12, 2008

The Church

I need some help from you Chirstian women out there that frequent my blog. And if you know of more Christian’s who could weigh in on this subject, ask them to come comment too, please.

Here is my question. What is the job of the church to help single women? Single women in the church do not have men in their life to help them do those things around the house that a husband would normally take care of. Things like changing locks on a house, putting up a ceiling fan, patching a hole in the wall. If men in the church know a trade, should they then offer to help that single women without charging them “an arm and a leg” to do it?

If they have a business that does a particular trade, for example, a locksmith, should they help those single women at a discounted rate, or maybe just paying for parts, rather than charging an amount that they know is going to be a hardship to that single woman? Obviously they have a business to run, but my question is this…what is the priorities and responsibilities of the church to help out the single women who have no one else to help them? Shouldn’t the church come together and take care of them?

I don’t know all the answers so please share your thoughts here. Thanks!

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Responses

  1. First I think a women should go to her closest friends or family and ask if anyone in that loop can help, maybe a handy husband or son-in-law. Then if there isn’t anyone there I think she or a friend should go to the church community for help. If someone from that community offers assistance I think it should be just that assistance. I think the woman should ask that person what parts are necessary and buy them herself or pay that person back for them but they shouldn’t make a profit unless the women can afford it or knows that that person is in need of money and she can afford to give it. When it comes to the church I think we should do things for eachother out of love and kindness. When they need you than you can be there for them too. Maybe that man’s wife is having a baby soon and they will need some meals made after the baby comes. Or maybe they’re moving soon and that woman has a young son who could help them pack or clean the yard up. I do think women are sometimes too dependent upon men though and could attempt to learn how to do some things themselves as long as it doesn’t require a preofessional. Like if it’s a small hole to patch, go to home depot and ask for help on how you might fix it yourself. A ceiling fan is a little more complicated but two woman with good instructions might be able to do it if the home is electrically ready for a ceiling fan. The internet and books are great resources for how to help!

  2. This is a good question Diane! In our church we help out anyone in need. It’s not a question of who’s single or not, but who needs help. And yes there is a little more attention paid to those of us that need help or have no one to help them. Single women should not have to fend for themselves, but they must also ask for help. We cannot assume that someone needs help just because they are single. Now if that person does genuinely need help then we should help them with whatever we can. I don’t think that as members of our individual faiths that we should charge them an arm and a leg. But do what your heart tells you to. And if it is more than just help but a safety issue or an emergency then we should try and either offset or recoup the loss somewhere else.

  3. I think this is a good question Diane. I have a hard time asking for help, but know its there if I need it. I think asking for help once in a while is ok, but constantly needing help indicates a problem. Usually budgetary. Theres a difference between borrowing a steam cleaner from someone and doing your own carpets…say verses calling the guy in your church who does carpet cleaning and expecting him to do your house for free. I think if you need a service from someone who makes their living doing what you need….well they can offer to do it cheaper, they may do it for free if they feel thats appropriate….but you might have to wait till after business hours or a couple of days, etc. In an emergency situation sometimes we all have to accept that we may have to pay some money to get something done for us. If we are lucky enough to have someone we know who will provide service to us out of the kindness of out hearts then we are exactley that…lucky.

  4. I think that the congregation members should definitely help out if they feel inclined to do so. I don’t think it’s about an obligation, it’s more about following the golden rule and reaching out to others. Is there a way to announce that there are parishioners in need of minor “fix-it” assistance (they can tell what it is so fellow parishioners know whether or not they are even able to help, just don’t mention who it is for) and all who are interested in helping out can submit their names after church? That is what they did at my church in Eureka, they would do small announcements before or after the service and you could sign up for things after the service was over. I think that right now everyone is at a different place. Some might be able to help others by only charging for parts, and you’re right, some might not be able to if their business is struggling. It’s just about feeling the calling of helping someone else.

    Another option in addition to people helping out would be to show these ladies how to do the small tasks as needed. It could be as simple as the handyman who is fixing the lock talking the person through the process so she knows the basics. I know that when ever something happens to the car, plumbling, etc, I watch my husband fix it so I will know what to do if it happens when I am alone.

    I don’t know if this helps, but I hope so! Good luck getting ideas and input, and I hope you’re feeling better soon!

  5. Thanks to everyone who has posted so far. I agree that the women should learn how to do things that they can too. My point definately was not that women should just be dependent upon others to fix everything, but that sometimes they need help doing stuff that they either don’t know how to do, or physically can’t do themselves. And yes, I also agree it should our calling to help everyone in need, not just women…but there’s a reason behind my posed question as I have recently watched something quite appauling!

    Thanks everyone!

  6. Biblically, her family is first in line. That includes nephews, grandchildren, etc. in the case of an older widow, and her father if she is younger.

    However, where there is no family able or willing to care for her, the church is most definitely required to distribute to her needs. I think our church actually has a specific fund for this circumstance. I know if I were to lose my husband (I have seven children), at the point my family’s ability ran out, my church would pick up the slack before I had to leave them and enter the workforce. Praise the Lord for biblically-minded churches!

    BTW, Paul encourages young widows to try to marry again quickly!

  7. diane- it sounds like a very specific situation.

    kelly also points out a huge issue. our church always asks us if we’ve tapped every resource possible (family & friends) before coming to the church for help. if we have then the church is usually more than willing to help.

    about re-marrying quickly….(not that this was what was implied) but i wouldn’t encourage anyone to skip the grieving process just to have an extra hand around the house…or income to support you. although the bible speaks of a family unit and that how life is supposed to be, i think a wife being able to properly grieve as well as her children should always come first. any family and church should fully understand you needing help in that sort of situation.

  8. Diane, Kelly is right. First the family and I think that includes the spouses of family members too. Then the church is to help out as much as possible. I immediately thought of Acts 2:45 “And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need.” I do not think necessarily doing these things for free if it is their trade but absolutely at cut rate. Our church does all we can in helping others as they need because that is the role of the church.

  9. So what do you all think about single women who are divorced,…not widowed. Does the church have the same responsibility to them?

  10. HI Diane…I will reply later.

    Moll

  11. Lets see if I am smart enough to do this with your help…lol Ok…trying to leave a comment

  12. This is a test…I am testing my computer…

  13. I LOVE YOU D!
    Hmmm… Normally I don’t say a lot unless I have a strong opinion about it or feel I have something useful to say…In this case I agree with a couple of the people that already posted…The only comment that I feel was not right to say at all was the one about getting married right away after you loose your husband. Heaven forbid that I ever face this, but if I did I am quite unsure I would ever want to marry again.(yet alone RIGHT AWAY?!!! Like it is something you do!?)..My stomach does nothing short of twist into a mess when I even think of someone talking that way about such a thing! I don’t mean to be rude, but I am not trying to be to careful either, because I am very STRONG on this such thing. I think if someone ever said such a thing to me or offered this advice to ME…I might never have another thing to say to them as long as I live. Sorry I didn’t mean to go off… But well…YEAH!

  14. I think that the church is meant to be Gods HANDS AND FEET…to go and do as HE would do…regardless of a persons marital status or anything else. He gave us His Holy Spirit to guide us and help us to know where and who and what we are to do. Some of these things are not said in such words in the bible as for example things like, love and do to others as you would have/want them to do to you. Sometimes I feel like we take things sooo far and make things so complicated…What is really that complicated about loving people!I mean to actually love people especially some people as God calls us to love, is not always easy and can be very hard, but why do we think that we have to have rules for it all? Do you know what I mean?


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