I have been through a lot through the years with my health. One would think that I am used to doctors and poking and prodding…and I am to a certain extent, but that doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t affect me. It does. There are days and times that it affects me more than others. Some days/appointments I am prepared for anything and I do not let it phase me. There are others when I hear “come across the hall, we’re going to move rooms; doctor wants to do an exam” that send me into a tailspin. Usually not right there on the spot. In the moment I play “Super Diane,” put a smile on my face and graciously say “Okay.”
It is after the appointment that I start to fall apart. Tired of the poking, the prodding, of one more invasive exam. So desperately wishing I could hide out for awhile and wishing that magically everything would be okay. I try to reward myself after appointments with something fun. Some treat I’d like to have, a small purchase off my “wish list” or a nice drive out in the country. Something to overcome the drudgery that my doctor visits have become.
This past week I developed a blood clot after some injections I had to have ruptured a blood vessel. I knew instantly something was wrong. Daily appointments to check on me, personal phone calls from my doctor and five days on bed rest brought the good news that the clot reabsorbed itself. But I am having lasting spasms where the injections were, along with nausea and lethargy. I am longing to feel like myself again. While I daily live with chronic pain and illness, this past week has been the icing on the cake, and it isn’t sweet! I don’t want to have to “bug” my doctor again, even though he has assured me I am not bugging him and he will see me through this. But if I am not feeling more like myself in the next 24 hours, then I probably won’t have a choice, because I can tell that something still isn’t right. I should not be this tired with residual pain still. I attempted to put myself together this evening and go out. I got as far as getting myself ready to go, and then landed back on the couch in the fetal position. I am tired of pain and tired of being tired.
That is my update for now. It’s more for me than anything, but thought I would post it just in case anyone was wondering if this blog was going to cease to exist. I will be back!